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"I made it all up, and it all came true anyway. That's the funny part."

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Mar
23rd
Sun
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That such instances [hauntings] could occur and were of serious concern for people in antiquity is, for instance, evident from the Tibetan Book of the Dead, in which the deceased was given specific instructions not to haunt. It is also apparent from Viking practice, in which if the deceased became a malignant spirit it was the duty of his relatives to break open his grave and ‘kill’ him again - a course which… may well account for some of the intrusions into Viking graves discovered by archaeologists.
— Ian Wilson, “The After Death Experience.” I’m definitely going to write a comedy scene about a group of vikings who must enter a crypt to slay the already dead body inside.
Mar
13th
Thu
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Reblog Your Answer: SXSW

jakoblodwick:

I’m headed to Austin. Do you know a band I should see? 

Go see the band Why? They’re one of my favorite groups, and I first heard them when Eric got the cLOUDDEAD album from you like 3, 4 years ago (Why?’s part of the group). I didn’t think the music would translate to a live show, but since everyone plays a variety of instruments, the ambient sounds and heavy beats play out beautifuly. Also, excellent lyrics.  Hypem’s got my favorite track from the newest album.

http://hypem.com/track/505771 

Mar
9th
Sun
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Ask The World #1

theinvisiblefist:

Did you study economics in school? If so, what was the nature of the class?

A half-year basic Economics class is required to graduate from Baltimore County schools. Over a couple of months, we filled out a number of “spending charts” and learned about different kinds of bank accounts, how to read stock charts and how to graph the supply-and-demand curve. We also watched a “West Wing” Christmas special. 

Although there were some discussions of economics on a larger scale (one question I remember in particular was, “Should a nation’s economy rely on the resources of other nations as well as its own?”), the Final was a series of multiple choice questions that ensured that virtually everyone who took the class could pass; it tested knowledge of terms and concepts, but certainly not ideas.

Although my high school had a business program, no other economics class was offered outside of that. 

Feb
28th
Thu
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Genevieve's Garden, a Romantic Comedy (Scene)

EXT. GENEVIEVE’S GARDEN: NOON

On a rooftop patio in Paris, GENEVIEVE, 26, sits at a glass table overlooking the St. Martin Canal. PHILIP, 31, sits across from her, smoking cigarettes.

The scene is decorated by a lush array of potted plants so thick and dense that the leaves and flowers spill over, almost entirely concealing the pots themselves. The table is set with two plates and a few dishes of food; the meal begins in media res.

JUNIPER, an orange/blonde cockapoo, sits attentive by PHILIP, watching him spear pieces of meat with his fork.

GENEVIEVE, taking a bite of her own food, raises her head and looks at PHILIP. All dialogue subtitled from French.

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         Philip, do I look the same today as
                         yesterday?

PHILIP stares at her for a moment.

                                    PHILIP
                         Your eyes are gleaming. You’re
                         smiling with your cheeks. Your hair
                         is lighter. Did you get younger
                         while I slept last night?

PHILIP throws a piece of meat to JUNIPER, who tries and fails to catch it. JUNIPER eats it off the ground.

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         No, I don’t think so. What else do
                         you see?

 PHILIP takes a sip of wine and watches GENEVIEVE pensively from behind his cigarette.

                                   PHILIP
                         I see salt-scrubbed skin, pearled
                         teeth. You visited a spa this
                         morning?

PHILIP throws another piece of meat at JUNIPER. It lands in front of the dog, where it is gobbled up. GENEVIEVE shakes her head, smiling and beginning to peel an orange.

                                   PHILIP
                         Let’s see… I slept until eleven,
                         what could have changed while I
                         slept? I know, you went to Church!
                         You found God, I can see it in your
                         fingers, the way you peel that
                         orange.

PHILIP tosses another piece of meat at JUNIPER; this piece flies over the dog’s head, hits the ground and rolls off the patio into the street below. JUNIPER runs over and looks down, watching it fall.

                                   GENEVIEVE
                             (still peeling)
                         I did go to Church today, but only
                         to bring flowers to the minster.
                         He’s such a dreary fellow, but he
                         loves the violets I grow. I saw him
                         on the way to bakery. And I saw the
                         legless beggar boy, I gave him some
                         coins and a piece of my bread. Then
                         I smelled oranges, and a woman sold
                         me a bag for half price because I
                         complimented her hat. It was a
                         magnificent hat.

PHILIP sits, staring at her. He takes another drag of his cigarette. JUNIPER stares at him expectantly. After a silent moment, PHILIP ashes his cigarette and leans forward.

                                    PHILIP
                         Yes? And then what?

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         And then what what?

                                   PHILIP
                         What happened? What’s different
                         about you?

GENEVIEVE finishes peeling her orange, peels a section and puts it in her mouth. She chews slowly, looking at the sky. She looks back at PHILIP.

 
                                   GENEVIEVE
                         I want you to keep guessing.

                                   PHILIP
                         Can I have a piece of orange?

GENEVIEVE shakes her head.

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         When you guess.

 PHILIP frowns and continues to stare at her.

                                   PHILIP
                         Your voice is light, like a yellow
                         balloon. There’s juice on your
                         chin. Your earrings are polished.
                         Your breasts are fuller, rounder.
                         You’ve done your nails, or had them
                         done… surely that manicure was
                         done professionally.

                                    GENEVIEVE
                         I painted my nails last night,
                         while you were reading that book
                         about alchemy.

For the first time, held in anticipation, JUNIPER barks at PHILIP. PHILIP throws a piece of meat at the dog and hits him in the face. GENEVIEVE chews on another piece of orange.

                                    PHILIP
                         I’m going to turn lead into gold. I
                         know you don’t believe me, but I’m
                         going to quit the office and we’re
                         going to live in a mansion, with a
                         yacht, and horses. We’ll have
                         horses.

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         I like my place in Paris just fine.
                         And horses are too big, you can’t
                         hold them. If you get rich, we
                         should adopt as many children as we
                         can, take them in from all over the
                         world and give them a good home. We
                         don’t need expensive things.

                                   PHILIP
                         That sounds awful. Children spoil
                         money for everyone who has both.

GENEVIEVE laughs, and takes a sip of her wine.

                                    GENEVIEVE
                         Okay, you can have a mansion, I’ll
                         have a child. Juniper can have his
                         own horse. Juniper, do you want a
                         horse to ride?

JUNIPER barks. When GENEVIEVE turns back to PHILIP, he’s staring at her again. He points at her.

                                    PHILIP
                             (becoming accusatory)
                         You are different. You have always
                         been beautiful, but today you are
                         beautiful and different.

GENEVIEVE smiles and eats another section of orange. JUNIPER dances around PHILIP’s chair, panting and watching his hands for meat.

                                    PHILIP
                         There is a radiance about you. It
                         is uniquely Genevieve, but it is
                         not unusual. In fact, you are
                         exactly as I remember you
                         yesterday. And the day before that,
                         and in fact every afternoon where
                         we sit and eat in your garden, and
                         I fall in love with you a little
                         bit more.

PHILIP takes one last drag of his cigarette and leans towards GENEVIEVE. He flicks the cigarette over the railing and down into the street below.

                                    PHILIP
                         …but something is different
                         today.

GENEVIEVE also leans in, taking another sip of wine. She puts the glass down and puts a section of orange in PHILIP’s mouth.

                                    GENEVIEVE
                         No, nothing is different today. I
                         just like listening to you talk
                         about me.

PHILIP stares at her, chewing. GENEVIEVE smiles.

 
                                   GENEVIEVE (CONT’D)
                         Aren’t these oranges delicious?

PHILIP wipes his mouth with a cloth napkin.

                                    PHILLIP
                         Genevieve, I can’t make up my mind,
                         should I kiss you or slap you?

                                   GENEVIEVE
                         Either way, we’ll end up fucking.


PHILIP nods and slaps GENEVIEVE slightly. She slaps him back. He stands up and pulls her to her feet, bringing her in for a kiss. He pushes her up against the wall of the patio; she wraps her legs around his waist, and he undoes his belt and drops his pants to the ground.


As PHILIP and GENEVIEVE get down in the background, JUNIPER  looks at them, then jumps onto a chair, and onto the glass table. He begins eating from PHILIP’s plate.

Feb
25th
Mon
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who loves the sun

dihard:

if we capture the energy that we get from the sun in just one hour and turn it into electricity, we can power the earth for a year

 If we could bottle God, I would drink it.

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This is relatively epic: Xando vs. Hercules for WhaleHammer. 

Feb
7th
Thu
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Girl wanted to have her boyfriend’s name tattooed in Chinese letters; the tattoo artist wrote “Supermarket” instead.

Girl wanted to have her boyfriend’s name tattooed in Chinese letters; the tattoo artist wrote “Supermarket” instead.

Feb
3rd
Sun
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Walking to Dinner

  • Hippe: Hey man, do you play drums?
  • Me: No.
  • Hippie: It's okay, you'll learn.
Jan
25th
Fri
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I need to stop confessing when I do something wrong.

I need to stop confessing when I do something wrong.

Jan
24th
Thu
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Failed Openings

I was stuck on the assignment “House of Prayer” and tried writing story openings until I got an idea.

  • “There is no God here tonight,” he muttered to the woman.
  • “I’m a master of the occult,” pleaded the man at my door.
  • I heard a sound like bodies rotting coming from the Church.
  • “I’m only here for the wafers.”
  • There was something about conning Quakers that didn’t seem Kosher.